Something of Mine
by Madame Batolli
Summary: Oneshot. An introspective from Cloud's point of view. It takes place during the time that Cloud was in the Lifestream at Mideel. Hints of Cloud x Aeris.


**Disclaimer:** What, you're looking for the owner of FFVII? Sorry mate, can't help you there. Try Squaresoft.  
  


**Something of Mine**

  
  
Remember that tree we carved our names into? You took my knife and scraped your initials in the bark, off my look, you smiled and said it didn't matter to just make a little scratch, that you wanted there to be some place where you could always count on being remembered. You told the tree that, too, and I told you you were odd, you flopped onto the grass and laughed, filling the air with your beautiful voice, you said you preferred to be called 'mysterious'.   
  
You wanted to leave something behind, you said. I never really understood you, whenever I thought I'd figured you out, you did something that sent me straight back into confusion. I'm confused now. I don't have you, I don't have anyone. I'm not anyone, not a person. Not really. This place is cold, and I can't focus. Things blur before my eyes, I can't focus, what are these memories for? Memories? Or are they the things I made into memories? The things that never happened, that were all illusions?   
  
I was never as good as Zack. I was a failure, and he never left my side. Always helping me, reassuring me, telling me that things would get better, that I'd make it next time, and the both of us would go on missions together, that we'd become famous. I wanted to be the best there was, just like Sephiroth. Sometimes I think I hear you, when I'm on the verge of sleep, I hear grass rustling, and I think it's you, even though I know it can't be, it won't be. It's impossible.   
  
You were impossible, I couldn't have you getting involved but you did anyway. You never listened when I told you to go home, you wouldn't listen. If I hadn't fallen in on you that day, you'd still be there now. You'd be rearranging your flowers in your church, and you'd be safe and happy. You'd be alive.   
  
Am I alive right now? Everything's so dark, but I can still see. Where am I? I lost an important thing. Ever since then I've been lost. What is this pain? How do I find my way back? Tifa, help me. Please, Tifa, tell me I'm the one you grew up with. We were childhood friends, you said so yourself. I came back home with Sephiroth and we went into the mountains, I caught your hand on the bridge, I couldn't let you fall again, Tifa, I had to save you, just like I promised. I became SOLDIER First Class, I had to impress you. Tell me you believe in my memories, Tifa, tell me my memories are the truth. Please, help me.  
  
_A.G._   
  
I'm tracing your initials with my fingers. I'm kneeling in the same way you were the last time I saw you smiling, and for a moment I can hear your laughter, but then it fades. Why did you leave me? I never imagined you'd go. I'm so sorry for what I did to you. You loved life and because of me, you had to lose yours. I just want to be with you, I don't think I can carry on without seeing you again. Help me. Sometimes if I look hard enough I think I see you in the flower field, smiling.   
  
Remember how you stood and watched the sunset that first night out of Midgar? You were so full of wonder, just like a child, sometimes the others would comment about that. We all forgot that you'd never been out of Midgar before. Of course you'd find the smallest things so wonderful, you'd never seen those small things. They weren't small, not to you. Things like rain, clouds, sunset, blue skies, they had you positively glowing.   
  
I found you watching the sunrise the next morning, you turned around and the sun seemed to set your whole body aflame, you were smiling at me while you glittered. Did you exist? Or are you another of my illusions? I can see you so clearly, did my mind create you like it created Cloud, Ex-SOLDIER? I can still see him, too. You loved him, didn't you? In that case, I hope you can't see me now. Everything I told you was a lie. You fell in love with a person who didn't exist.   
  
No, he did exist. But he's dead now. He died because of me. Just like you did.   
  
You were the one she lost, weren't you? Zack, I'm sorry. I did such a terrible thing. I've stolen everything from you, Zack. I loved her. Can anyone forgive me for those terrible things I did? I wish I could tell you how much I need your help now.   
  
But...Tifa, you were there, weren't you? You were in Nibelheim, you led us through the mountains, I remember it so vividly. But then how? You didn't say anything, when I told the others in Kalm Town. So how can I not have been there? You said so, Tifa, I'll always believe in those memories we have together. I don't know what to do... How can I find out the truth about who I am? I need your help, Tifa. Tell me I was there. Tell me I'm Cloud, Ex- SOLDIER. Tell me I'm the hero who came to rescue you. Tell me I'm your friend.   
  
You made me smile, Aeris. How long has it been since I smiled? I couldn't after you left me. You took something of mine with you. You said you wanted to meet me. Well, I'm right here. I'm nothing. Those initials aren't mine. I never lived up to being Cloud.   
  


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**A/N:** Well, this little story took me all of half an hour to write...hope it doesn't show! *grin* I found it incredibly easy, the words just seemed to flow. I think I'll try writing introspective more often. Hope you enjoyed reading, let me know how I did, okay? I have a nagging feeling it was a little abrupt, but oh well. What do **you** say? Was it good, bad? Distinctly average? I'd love to hear what you think. Reviewing is a virtue. :) 


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